I’m dying to be the perfect husband….sounds like the same cry of anticipation we’ve all made when we’re really excited about doing or achieving something. I’m dying to go on my vacation, I’m dying to go get my new car, I’m dying for my team to make the playoffs…
So many times, we’ve used this expression of excitement and anticipation to describe how we feel about something that we deeply desire to have, achieve, experience…
But as husbands, in order to truly be as close to “perfect” as we can, we need to move beyond the feeling of wanting to be the best and move into the doing of those things the Perfect One told us we need to do to be the best!
So if you’re dying to be the perfect husband, you need to start dying to be the perfect husband!
Let’s take a quick look at the areas we need to start dying.
Dying to the world
In case you haven’t noticed lately, the world wants us to believe what is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right!…(By the way, y’all, the Bible tells us this would happen Isaiah 5:20)…
Culture today would have us believe that “I am more important than anyone else,” that marriage is a disposable agreement, and that if I am married to “the one” then they will make my happy…
Nothing could be further from the truth!
The reality in all of this is the world’s take on marriage is exactly opposite of what real marriage is!
In order to become the husband you were created to be, you need to first, empty yourself of the ideas the world holds about marriage and fill yourself with what the creator of marriage has to say about it…God’s word is where you will find that truth…
Easier said than done, right? Well, like anything worth doing (and believe me, this is worth doing) it’ll take hard work and discipline!
If you’re anything like I was, you’ve probably had more of the world shape your views on marriage and relationships, than you’ve had God. Since you were a child, your life experiences, good and bad, have shaped your mindset and behavior toward marriage…divorce, abuse, neglect, are all things we experience that cause us to put up walls and impact how we treat and connect with our wife.
But I’m here to tell you from experience, you can renew your mind by intentionally focusing on God and changing how you let the world impact you.
Dying to self
Hey, I’ve got news buddy, you’re not the most important person in the room…in fact, if you are thinking about yourself throughout the day more than anyone else, you need to snap out of it.
Self-centeredness and selfishness (and at its extreme, narcissism) is one of the most destructive forces in a marriage. I know because I almost let it destroy my marriage!
When we get married, the bible tells us that “two become one flesh” (Gen 2:24). In other words, the me now becomes we.
And since God was kind enough to join us with our helpmate, every decision should be about what is best for you AND your wife, not just you.
We’re also created to be servant leaders, as we see in John 13:12-17 when Christ washed the disciples’ feet. Our role as husbands is to lead our house with the Word, in love.
We can’t lead our wife in love if all we are thinking about is ourselves.
Be willing to die for your wife.
The ultimate act of love is to lay one’s life down for another! Jesus did it for us, and so we too are to be willing to do the same for our wives.
In Ephesians, after we are told to honor one another, husbands are instructed to show their wives the same love that Christ showed us, in that we’d be willing to lay down our lives for our wives to protect and preserve them.
This sounds extreme but starts daily in your heart.
Ask yourself, everyday…
- Do I speak to my wife in a way that lets her know I love her so much, that I’m willing to die for her?
- Do I show my wife, through my actions and behavior, that I love her so much that I’m willing to die for her?
- Can I see through how my wife lives her life (her happiness and peace), that she is confident I lover her enough to die for her?
If you answered no to any of these questions, then I encourage you to get to work. Give yourself permission to do a truthful and honest self-examination around points 1 and 2. Then press into God’s Word, asking Him to reveal to you the things you need to change about yourself…then work hard to do it.
Believe me, you’ll be amazed at how the transformation in yourself will transform your wife and your marriage. I know because it is how God saved our marriage.
If you’re dying to be the best husband you can be but are having trouble dying to the world, yourself, or your wife, connect with us at www.threecordmarriage.com/contact and let us show you how we can help.